pillow talk

You know what drives me crazy?

When people cannot carry on a simple conversation.

Seriously? It is not that difficult to keep words flowing between two humans. Conversations in person are a little better, but texting conversations are the worst. Here's an example.

Actual Texting Conversation:

Me: haha :)

Alejandro: lol :)

Me: :)

Alejandro: :)

Okay. WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO, "lol :)"?!!??!!?! "Wow! That is a great emoticon you've got there! It must have taken you at least five minutes to come up with that thoughtful response!" NO. 

Stop trying to pass on the Conversation Baton to me! I always bring up new topics and questions. I don't understand why this is so difficult for people to master.

Try phrases like...oh I don't know...

"How has your day been?"

"How are you?"

"What have you done today?"

"What have you been up to?"

"Are you excited about this weekend?"

"Have you seen Inception?"

"Do you like velociraptors?"

Not. That. Difficult.

Here are some phrases that are definite conversation KILLERS. Never use these unless you are purposely trying to get rid of someone.

"that's cool"

"okay"

"fine"

"lol"

":)"

"cool"

"Don't text me back"

"Look behind you..."

"Let's name our daughter (insert mythical creature here)"

And the mother of all conversation killers...the worst of all..."k." If someone sends you "k," your conversation is O-V-E-R. Gone. Dead. Do not resuscitate.

It also drives me crazy when people have to have the last text.

Sample Texting Conversation:

Me: "well i think i'm going to head to bed."

Fernando: "alright! have a great day tomorrow."

Me: "you too. :)" [Conversation should have ended here.]

Fernando: "goodnight :)"

Me: "goodnight! :)" [Okay, that's enough.]

Fernando: "sweet dreams!"

Me: "you too!" [You have got to be kidding me. Yes, I will have sweet dreams. Sweet dreams of violently stabbing you with a spork.]

Fernando: "hope you sleep well!"

Me: "okay!" [I hope you sleep well, too! BECAUSE I HOPE YOU NEVER WAKE UP.]

Fernando: ":)"

This has GOT to be a joke. You don't care if I sleep well! You don't care if I have sweet dreams! If you did, you would stop texting me because you are keeping me awake! (Hypocrites also drive me crazy.)

Well, I don't really know how to end this blog post...wait...

k.