my ninja

The question theologists, scholars, and philosophers have been asking for centuries still haunts us to this day.

PIRATES OR NINJAS?!?!

Both sides have pros and cons, but I am here to tell you that ninjas totally take the cake.

Here's a list of 10 reasons why ninjas own pirates any day.

1. Ninjas are highly trained fighters.

Ninjas go through extensive, painful, and exhausting training to become a ninja. The training is mental as well as physical. They toil day and night perfecting their skills and learning from their masters. The pirates’ training manual looks something like this: 1. Drink rum. 2. Drink, rape, pillage, and plunder. 3. Pass out. Yeah, that took a lot of work and concentration.

2. Ninjas are in peak physical condition.

They train countless hours to make sure their bodies are perfectly built so they can accomplish their mission. Pirates have a beer gut. Ninjas will freaking NINJIE/JUDIE CHOP YOUR ARM OFF (via The Redneck Ninja below) in one swipe.

 

3. They are the epitome of stealth.

You could be killed by a ninja and not even know it until you saw the blood bubbling up from your throat. Ninjas are trained to be able to be still and silent for hours at a time. If a pirate was any where near you, you would be able to hear his nasty dreads, jewels, parrot, and his peg leg from miles away.

4. They have amazing clothes.

Ninja garb is the coolest. Ninjas wear loose, breathable, black clothing. This is perfect for running, flipping, fighting, and hiding. Pirates have layers and layers of nasty cloth soaked in sweat, body odor, and dirt. As my grandma would say, yummy. (Read story here.)

5. They have the coolest weapons.

Pirates might have guns and cannons, but a ninja could kill you before you could even fire one. Some of their weapons include swords, nunchucks, throwing stars, foot & knuckle spikes, whips, smoke bombs, batons, and even utility belts. I’d like to see a pirate attempt to escape one of these weapons.

Inside of my sock drawer

6. They’re not in pop culture as much as pirates.

How is that a positive thing? That’s just what ninjas want you to think. Well, if you could see ninjas in movies and stuff they wouldn’t be stealthy, now would they?! There may be Captain Jack Sparrow, however the only reason he is alive is by pure luck. He even died once in the second movie! He is an uncoordinated drunk.

7. Ninjas are STONE COLD FOXY.

I would definitely pick a ripped, muscular athelete over a nasty, unshaven, dirty, smelly, foul, beer-bellied pirate any day. Shew.

8. Ninjas actually have a job.

They are hired as spies, assassins, or body guards. Pirates just hope to get lucky and get some booty. And if they don’t, they just starve out at sea. Have fun with your bad case of scurvy.

9. Ninjas are everywhere.

Have you ever felt like some one was watching you? A Ninja. Have you ever thought you saw something out of the corner of your eye, but it was just a shadow? NOPE. IT WAS A NINJA. Have you ever been walking down the street and something jumped out from a bush and stabbed you?!?! A NINJA.

(There really is a number 10, but it’s a ninja, so you can’t see it.)