jungle gym

Gym etiquette.

It's crucial.

I walk into the YMCA.

I sit down and stretch, fill up my water bottle, and do other stuff to stall so I don't have to actually go work out.

I finally muster up the energy, and head over to get on a treadmill.

There are about 25 empty ones in a row; no one else is running.

(I always go to the gym during weird hours.)

So, I head aaaall the way down to the first one on the end.

I leave tons of room for other people beside me.

I get out of everyone's way so I can have my own personal space.

I make it clear that I am here on my own.

I have my headphones in and "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" blasting.

I am in the zone.

And what happens?

Someone comes up and starts running on the treadmill RIGHT BESIDE ME.

...

Seriously?

There are 23 other treadmills you could be running on.

I left plenty of space for you to take your sweaty little self and go run down somewhere else.

I have made it very obvious that I want to run. ALONE.

But what are you doing?

Running, breathing heavily, and sweating all over me.

Your treadmill is squeaky, and it's really distracting.

You are really uncoordinated, so I am constantly freaking out because I think you are having a seizure or something.

(Much like the video below.)

Now I'm self-conscious that you're running faster than me.

I'm jogging along at like 5 miles an hour.

Then you speed up to 6.

So...I speed up to 6.

Then you take a sip of water.

So...I take one.

You athletically wipe your brow.

So...I grab my towel too.

You speed up to 9.5 miles an hour.

So...I speed up...I trip on my untied shoelace...and DIE.

I died.

I hope you're happy.

This whole situation could have been avoided if you had just scooted down a few treadmills.

And now I'm dead.

I am ghost blogging.

So let that be a lesson to you, kids.

Next time you think about hopping on a treadmill right next to someone, think again.

You might be murdering him/her in the process.

...

Yeah, I know. I need help.