Bowling.
I'm pretty sure that bowling is the most awkward sport ever.
I even feel awkward calling it a sport.
I even feel awkward when I say the word, "bowling." Bowling. Yuck.
I'm not saying it isn't fun, because it is. I am saying that it's just...awkward.
First off, I really want to meet the guy who thought up bowling.
"Hey! Why don't we take 10 weirdly shaped pieces of wood and throw a heavy ball at them and try to knock them over? That would be so much fun!" What was he smoking?
Also, of all names for this sport, why would you pick "bowling?"
Maybe...balling? Or...pinning? Or...throwing-a-heavy-ball-with-holes-in-it-that-kind-of-looks-like-a-giant-coconut-down-a-greasy-wooden-lane-into-ten-gourd-shaped-pieces-of-wood? Bowling has absolutely nothing to do with a bowl. Unless I am missing something really important. ...That would explain a lot, actually.
And what is up with the shoes?
Do I seriously have to put on some random, smelly, greasy shoes to throw a heavy ball around? But then again, the shoes are kind of awesome. I am always really tempted to steal a pair. I mean, come on. They are three-toned, made of "leather," and also they have your shoe size on the back of them--just in case you forget. And they usually come with some left over disinfectant. Or left over foot fungus. Maybe both.
The 7-10 Split.
One of my favorite Disney Channel Original Movies, Alley Cats Strike, there is a "famous" scene where one of the team members has to hit two pins in a classic 7-10 split.
She takes the ball, coyly checks the so-called wind direction, spins it in one direction, and pushes it softly as it glides down to hit the last two pins.
So of course, every single time I would go bowling, I would try to recreate that scene. And it would take a good three minutes for my ball to make it even to the end of the lane. And by that time, it was going so slow that it didn't even do anything. And the mean old smelly guy would have to come out behind the place where you rent the shoes, growl at you, and then go fetch your ball because it would get stuck halfway down the lane. To get a visual, view the scene below, starting at the 2:00 mark.
She takes the ball, coyly checks the so-called wind direction, spins it in one direction, and pushes it softly as it glides down to hit the last two pins.
So of course, every single time I would go bowling, I would try to recreate that scene. And it would take a good three minutes for my ball to make it even to the end of the lane. And by that time, it was going so slow that it didn't even do anything. And the mean old smelly guy would have to come out behind the place where you rent the shoes, growl at you, and then go fetch your ball because it would get stuck halfway down the lane. To get a visual, view the scene below, starting at the 2:00 mark.
But if you want to finish a bowling game in less than 3 hours, and without being beaten up by the Rental Shoe Man, I don't suggest you try this at home, kids.
